Close your eyes and imagine a narcissist. Try to picture what you think a narcissist looks like in your mind. It looks like a man, right? While, yes, there are many men in the world with the narcissistic personality disorder, too often, we associate the qualities of narcissism only with men.
We think of unrelenting ego and a smug sense of self-satisfaction and, for whatever reason, we identify those as male qualities. It’s one of the most common stereotypes about narcissism.
But here’s the thing — narcissism knows no gender boundaries. Women can be narcissists too.
Are men more likely to be narcissists than women? There is some research to back that up. However, that doesn’t mean that women are immune from narcissism.
We all know women who make everything all about THEM, women who flaunt themselves, women who are vain or self-absorbed. Women who definitely fit the classic definition of narcissism, which is “excessive or erotic interest in oneself and one’s physical appearance.”
There are many, many female narcissists in the world and, if you want to maintain healthy relationships with the people in your life, you need to stay away from them.
Here are 7 signs a woman is a narcissist.
1. Every conversation revolves around her.
While it’s fine to talk about yourself occasionally in social settings, a true narcissist will almost exclusively talk about herself OR will constantly be attempting to steer the conversation back to her.
Ask yourself, “When was the last time she asked a question about ME?” If the answer is NEVER, that’s a pretty clear sign that she’s very full of herself.
2. She’s constantly canceling plans with you.
Conflicts happen, but one of the big signs she’s a narcissist is when she pathologically refuses to commit to prior engagements. She doesn’t care about the impact on others.
She never even thinks about your ruined evening or your disappointment. All she wants is the freedom to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, no matter how it impacts the people around her.
3. She goes crazy when you tell her “no”.
This is one of the easiest ways to detect a narcissist. When they ask you do to something, just say “No.” It doesn’t even have to be a hard “No.” You can just delay your response or say, “I’ll get back to you.”
Narcissists HATE those kinds of responses. They don’t like other people exerting influence on their self-centered spheres of existence.
If you know a woman who loses her mind when you respond in the negative, she definitely has some narcissistic qualities.
4. She flirts with people she doesn’t like.
Flirting is a fun thing for adults to do, but narcissists use flirting as a tool to get what they want.
This is particularly apparent if you know a woman who is constantly trying to use her charm or sexuality on people she’s not romantically interested in.
Narcissists think they’re the hottest things on Earth, and that inflated sense of self-image makes them believe that no one could EVER resist them.
Thus, they flirt as a form of manipulation because they can’t imagine any man or woman wouldn’t be totally seduced by their feminine wiles.
5. She doesn’t speak highly of the people in her life.
Narcissists see themselves standing on the top of the social pyramid — with everyone else firmly beneath their feet. This attitude can become apparent if you listen to how they talk about others.
Does the woman in your life always refer to other people as “idiots”? Does she call her friends “sluts” or “morons”? Does she always question other people’s intelligence, but never questions her own?
That’s classic narcissist behavior. We all have the occasion to rip on our friends from time to time, but if you know a woman who is always doing that and never showing any signs of empathy or self-deprecation, she’s probably a narcissist.
6. She never accepts blame.
If she’s running late, does she ever apologize or was it always the fault of traffic/your directions/someone else? Narcissists have a real problem with culpability — they don’t like admitting that they’re ever at fault for a mistake or a problem.
Their worldview doesn’t support a reality where they could be wrong, so they always deflect blame and argue that someone else (or a factor beyond anyone’s control) caused the problem. You will rarely, if ever, hear a narcissist say “My bad.”
7. Her phone is full of selfies.
Is it all selfies? There’s nothing wrong with selfies, but if you know a woman who seems to exclusively take selfies, paying all her attention to framing herself perfectly and never thinking to grab a shot of her family, friends, or the world around her, that’s a big narcissist red flag.
Women are just as capable as being narcissists as men are. If you have a woman in your life who never seems to exhibit any empathy and who always wants to make things about HER, she probably has narcissist tendencies and you should consider keeping your distance.
Friendships and relationships are all about give and take, which is something a true narcissist will never, ever understand.
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Elizabeth Ayers-Callahan is a mom, wife and regular writer for YourTango who is focused on relationships, mental health and news.