Tag Archives: Youd

Add A New Radar To An Old Air-Defense Missile, And You’d Get The Ukrainian 5V28—Kyiv’s Most Potent Deep-Strike Weapon – Forbes

  1. Add A New Radar To An Old Air-Defense Missile, And You’d Get The Ukrainian 5V28—Kyiv’s Most Potent Deep-Strike Weapon Forbes
  2. Ukraine rejigs 36-foot-long Soviet-era missile to hit Russia: UK intel Business Insider
  3. US struggles to keep up with demand of ballistic missiles to aid Ukraine: Report WION
  4. UK Defense Ministry: Russia’s Aerospace Forces likely under intense pressure to improve air defense Yahoo News
  5. Ukraine is re-engineering a 36-foot-long Soviet-era missile system to strike inside Russia, UK intel says Business Insider India
  6. View Full Coverage on Google News

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Microsoft Office Is 91% Off, and You’d Be Nuts to Miss Out

Just about everyone has heard of or used Microsoft Office at some point in their life, but not everyone may own a copy of it on their own computer. There are some alternatives that work online and while that can help in a pinch, it’s not a great long-term solution. If you find yourself spending more time creating documents, sending emails and fixing up PowerPoints, you’re going to want to check this out.

You can ditch the subscription (with recurring charges) and snag a lifetime license of access to Microsoft’s Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Outlook, Teams, OneNote, Publisher and Access for just $30 instead. That’s back at the lowest price we’ve ever seen, and a whopping 91% off the usual price of $349. However, this deal expires in just a few days, so be sure to get your order in soon.

The offer, from StackSocial, applies to both the Windows and Mac version of the software. 

Microsoft

This wildly popular offer for a Microsoft Office lifetime license is still available for $30. It’s available for both Mac and Windows, so be sure to grab the right one for the computer that you use regularly.

Now, you can always opt to use the free online version of Microsoft Office (which has far fewer features). But compared to the online Microsoft 365 subscription suite that costs $10 per month or $100 per year, this downloadable version is a phenomenal bargain. 

While the price almost seems too good to be true, we tried it ourselves, and it worked like a charm. (The two big caveats: You get a single key — which only works on a single computer — and there’s no Microsoft OneDrive Cloud Storage included.) In fact, Stack has been offering a version of this deal since the beginning of 2022. But this lowest-ever price won’t last, so take the plunge while you can.

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How much you’d have if you invested $1,000 a decade ago

About 10 days ahead of Black Friday — one of the most anticipated shopping days for merchandisers — big-box retailer Walmart reported better-than-expected revenue and earnings.

And good news for consumers: The company plans to set prices for Thanksgiving staples at the same level as 2021.

For the fiscal third quarter, Walmart generated more than $152 billion in total revenue, eclipsing the nearly $148 billion Wall Street analysts expected. The company also reported adjusted earnings per share of $1.50 for the quarter, compared to the $1.32 analysts expected.

Walmart saw growth in its grocery sales this quarter as it rolled out various deals to draw in budget-conscious consumers.

“Through our Deals for Days events in the U.S. and a Thanksgiving meal that will cost the same as last year, we’re here to help make this an affordable and special time for families around the world,” Walmart CEO Doug McMillon said in a press release.

Shoppers will be able to take advantage of savings for holiday meal items through Dec. 26, according to Walmart’s website.

In addition to increased grocery sales, Walmart also got a boost from a strong back-to-school shopping season in the U.S. and global sales events in countries such as India and China, McMillon said on a call with investors.

Back in the second quarter, Walmart’s earnings also surpassed Wall Street analysts’ expectations as inflation-pinched shoppers sought out affordable necessities like groceries over discretionary merchandise such as clothing.

What this means for investors

Walmart shares jumped on Tuesday, following the company’s earnings call.

If you had invested $1,000 into Walmart a year ago, you’d see a slight return on your investment and have about $1,024 as of Nov. 15, according to CNBC’s calculations. These computations were performed after the markets opened and are based on a share price of $149.

If you had invested $1,000 into Walmart five years ago, your investment would be worth around $1,755 as of Nov. 15, according to CNBC’s calculations.

And if you had invested $1,000 into Walmart a decade ago, your investment would have more than doubled in value and be worth about $2,377 as of Nov. 15, according to CNBC’s calculations.

Walmart is expected to continue to perform well over the holiday season since the company’s focus on low prices is expected to continue to attract price-conscious consumers, Deutsche Bank analyst Krisztina Katai predicted ahead of the earnings report.

However, Walmart’s performance could be hurt by various factors, such as shifts in consumer buying habits or further increases in labor costs, Katai adds.

Investors should always do their homework

With that in mind, it’s always important to remember that a stock’s past performance shouldn’t be used as an indicator of how well it will perform in the future.

Given the unpredictability of the stock market, a passive investing strategy tends to make sense for most investors, rather than investing in individual stocks.

Investing in a market index, like the S&P 500, can be a great way to get started. Since the S&P 500 tracks the stock performance of large American publicly traded companies, investing in an S&P 500 index fund or exchange traded fund (ETF) can be a great way to gain exposure to a number of well-known companies.

As of Nov. 15, the S&P 500 declined by about 15% compared to 12 months ago, according to CNBC’s calculations. However, the index has increased by about 55% since 2017, and grown by about 196% since 2012.

Want to earn more and work less? Register for the free CNBC Make It: Your Money virtual event on Dec. 13 at 12 p.m. ET to learn from money masters like Kevin O’Leary how you can increase your earning power.

Don’t miss: Apple just announced its new iPhone 14—here’s how much you’d have if you invested $1,000 a decade ago

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Elon Musk might buy Twitter—what you’d have if you invested $1,000

Tesla and SpaceX CEO Elon Musk is reviving his offer to buy Twitter for $54.20 per share, which is about $44 billion, following a tense legal battle between himself and the social media platform, according to a regulatory filing.

Twitter issued a statement indicating it intends to close the deal at the original agreed-upon price after Musk’s announcement.

Twitter shares closed at a price of $52 per share on Oct. 4, following the news of Musk’s planned acquisition. That reflects a 22.2% increase from the prior day’s close of $42.54.

If you had invested $1,000 into Twitter a year ago, you’d have less money currently. Your investment would be worth around $890 as of Oct. 4, according to CNBC’s calculations.

However, if you’d invested $1,000 into Twitter five years ago, your investment would have nearly tripled in value and be worth around $2,929 as of Oct. 4, per CNBC’s calculations.

And if you had invested $1,000 into Twitter when the company went public in 2013 at the offer price of $26 per share, your investment would be worth about $2,000 as of Oct. 4 before fees, CNBC found.

Meanwhile, Tesla shares closed at $249.44 per share on Oct. 4. The electric vehicle maker’s shares are currently down about 32% in 2022.

Musk and Twitter have been locked in a battle of “deal or no deal” since April, when the billionaire initially offered to buy the social media platform for $44 billion. However, Musk attempted to back out of the deal in July. Twitter then sued him to force him to complete the deal, and the two parties were scheduled to go to trial on Oct. 17 in Delaware.

If you’re considering investing in Twitter, Tesla or another publicly traded company remember: Given the unpredictability of the stock market, you shouldn’t use a stock’s past performance as an indicator of how well it will perform in the future.

Rather than attempting to select individual stocks, a passive investment strategy tends to make sense for most investors. Investing in an index like the S&P 500, which tracks the stock performance of 500 large American publicly traded companies, can be a great way to start.

As of Oct. 4, the S&P 500 was down close to 12% compared to 12 months ago. However, the index has grown by about 49% since 2017 and increased by nearly 117% since 2013.

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Don’t miss: Apple just announced its new iPhone 14—here’s how much you’d have if you invested $1,000 a decade ago

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Bethesda’s Hoping You’d Pay $70 For Skyrim On Switch

Screenshot: Bethesda / Kotaku

Almost a year after it came to every other platform, Skyrim: Anniversary Edition surprise-launched on the Nintendo Switch today. The newest version of the beloved 2011 open-world RPG includes a bunch of DLC, mod content, and fishing. It’s also $70 on Nintendo’s handheld hybrid. Gotham Knights and Callisto Protocol aren’t coming to Switch, but apparently the price point is, at least in this one odd instance.

Bethesda has released a ton of ports and updates to The Elder Scrolls V. Since it originally released on Xbox 360, PS3, and PC, it’s also come to each new generation of consoles, as well as phones, streaming platforms, and of course, the Nintendo Switch. Last year, the publisher unveiled the new $50 Anniversary Edition, not to be confused with the existing Special Edition. The main difference was that it had more mod content and fishing. Players could pay $20 to upgrade their existing Special Editions. Except on Switch.

The 2017 version on Nintendo’s handheld that included a special Breath of the Wild costume wasn’t upgradable until today. Nintendo announced the surprise news in a tweet, but it didn’t take long for people to start balking at the price:

While Switch games are often priced at a premium, Skyrim: Anniversary Edition is the first one that’s not an anthology, deluxe edition, or DLC bundle to break the $60 barrier. Games are now regularly doing this on PS5 and Xbox Series X/S, presumably because blockbuster production costs nearly double every console cycle. The Switch is five years old though, and Skyrim is even older.

Plus, the Anniversary Edition is only $50 on PS5 and Xbox Series X/S where the new-gen upgrades were free. And it’s nothing to do with the cost of Switch SD cards either, since the $70 price is for the digital download. (People who do already own Skyrim on Switch can now, like their PlayStation and Xbox brethren, upgrade to the Anniversary Edition for $20.)

My only guess? The regular version of Skyrim is still priced at $60 on Switch, and instead of reducing that price by $10, Bethesda decided to just add it on to the new sale price. That’s all speculation of course. As you may have guessed if you’ve been around these parts long, Bethesda did not respond to a request for comment.



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What would you name a Uranus probe? The internet’s answers are about what you’d think

Earhart, Tempest or MUSE?

Fans of planet Uranus have many ideas to name the next mission there, if an informal Internet poll is any indication.

ExploreIGO, a Twitter fan account devoted to icy worlds, asked its community yesterday what to call a spacecraft visiting the big blue world.

“We want to know, what would YOU name the #Uranus Orbiter & Probe Mission?” the account asked (opens in new tab), generating tens of thousands of likes, retweets and comments. That name the account references is an early stage proposal for NASA to finally revisit the planet that hasn’t seen an up-close view since Voyager 2 swung by in 1986. 

In photos: Top 5 weird facts about mysterious Uranus

Embedded with the tweet is a cover based on a 2021 proposal by three scientists led by Amy Simon, a planetary scientist at NASA Goddard Space Flight Center. The group told the U.S. decadal survey of planetary science that a spacecraft to Uranus is a “journey whose time has come.”

Uranus was voted the top destination by the community in April after this proposal process, which was led by the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine. 

The decadal committee called for a $4 billion flagship mission combining a Uranus orbiter and probe, to examine the icy giant’s wild weather and enigmatic features from up close. It would be the first time a smaller icy gas giant gets a detailed mission, after others visited the much larger Jupiter and Saturn.

The mission, if accepted, would leave Earth in 2031 or so and take 13 years to move to the outer solar system, but unlike Voyager, it would orbit Uranus for many years instead of just swinging by. But the mission is by no means a done deal. It requires funding and a measure of scientific and technical will to get the ambitious spacecraft proposal together. 

In the meantime, observatories like the Hubble Space Telescope and the W. M. Keck Observatory continue to observe Uranus from afar to look at its atmosphere, rings and moons.

The tentative nature of the Uranus mission didn’t stop Twitter from sharing its naming ideas. Community favorites (opens in new tab) reference everything from Shakespeare to polar exploration to the space shuttle program. Some examples include:

  • Caroline, after astronomer Caroline Herschel; she worked alongside her brother William, who is popularly credited as finding the first two known moons of Uranus;
  • Discovery, after NASA’s most-flown space shuttle (which itself was named after one of the two ships used by British explorer James Cook when he ‘discovered’ Hawaii);
  • Earhart, after aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart;
  • Endurance Orbiter and Shackleton Probe, which are the ship and leader (respectively) of the Ernest Shackleton expedition to Antarctica in 1914-17
  • M.U.S.E, an acronym for Mission Uranus Science Expedition;
  • Se7en, an homage to its seventh planet position from the sun along with a 1995 thriller starring Morgan Freeman;
  • Tempest, after the Shakespeare play. (Uranus moon names (opens in new tab)traditionally come from Shakespeare characters, or characters from Alexander Pope’s “Rape of the Lock.”)

And yes, there were plenty of butt joke names for the Uranus probe, but we opted to spotlight some of the more surprisingly restrained ones.

Follow Elizabeth Howell on Twitter @howellspace (opens in new tab). Follow us on Twitter @Spacedotcom (opens in new tab) and on Facebook (opens in new tab). 



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iPhone 14 is coming, and you’d better start saving for Apple’s 2022 lineup

Every year, Apple launches a new set of iPhones that appeal to both average users and enthusiasts. And this year won’t be any different. Yet again Apple will hold a high-profile event in September where it will introduce a new iPhone- this time in the form of the iPhone 14. While some aspects of the new iPhone 14 series will remain under wraps until it’s finally launched, several leaks have given us a taste of what is to come. Keep reading for a glimpse at what we know so far about this newest iPhone 14 series and its exciting features.

Lineup

A number of leaks suggest Apple will again debut four new iPhone models for 2022 as last year’s lineup, barring a 5.4-inch ‘mini’ model that will get replaced with a 6.7-inch ‘Max’ model. That means you can expect to see two new ‘Pro’ iPhone models—with display sizes of 6.7 inches and 6.1 inches—alongside the standard iPhone 14 (6.1) and iPhone 14 Max (6.7) models.

What does the iPhone 14 look like?

For the most part, the iPhone 14 will look a lot like its processor. That said, expect the top-end ‘Pro’ models will feature a pill-shaped hole-punch design for their front-facing camera while the regular iPhone 14 and iPhone 14 Max will still keep the existing Face ID notch. It’s becoming clear that Apple might be looking to a smaller hole-punch camera as a design differentiator between the pricier iPhone 14 Pro lineup and the standard iPhone 14 models.

The difference between the iPhone 14 and iPhone 14 Pro will be huge. (Image credit: Jon Prosser/Front Page Tech)

How many cameras does the iPhone 14 have?

Apple appears to be sticking to the same camera stack on the iPhone 14 series as last year’s iPhone 13. This means the less expensive iPhone 14 and iPhone 14 Max will still have two rear cameras, while the Pro models will have three cameras and a LiDAR sensor. However, Bloomberg’s Mark Gurman claims only the Pro models will get the 48-megapixel camera, while the regular iPhone models will have a 12-megapixel main sensor. Apple typically reserves big upgrades in terms of camera hardware on its Pro models and it will continue with the iPhone 14 series. Speaking of the front camera, all iPhone 14 models will get a massive selfie camera.

What are the iPhone 14 specs?

For the first time, only the Pro models will get Apple’s new A16 chip, while the regular variants will either have the A15 (the same chip that powers the iPhone 13) or some variant of it. Even with the A15 chip, the iPhone 14 will still be powerful. We believe the iPhone 14 and iPhone 14 Max will have 64GB, 128GB, and 256GB storage options. The Pro models will start with 128GB of storage, with options for 256GB and 512GB of storage as well. All iPhone 14 models are likely to get a major battery boost as well.

How much does the iPhone 14 cost?

Due to rising inflation and increased manufacturing cost, there are a lot of rumours about price hikes for the iPhone 14. In fact, Apple despite being a cash-rich company is reportedly feeling the pressure to pass the added cost to consumers. We think the iPhone 1 will start at $899 (or approx Rs 71,776) and the iPhone 14 Max will cost $999 (or approx Rs 79,665).  The iPhone 14 Pro base model will cost $1099 (or approx Rs 87,640), and the iPhone 14 Pro Max may have a starting price of $1199 (or approx Rs 95,706). Mind you, these prices do not include local taxes so the retail price of the iPhone 14 series could be much higher.

The iPhone 14 Pro will reportedly get a 48MP rear camera. (Image credit: Anuj Bhatia/Indian Express)

What won’t be coming?

The iPhone 14 series, undoubtedly, will be faster and better than the previous versions of iPhones. But not every feature that’s been speculated will arrive with the iPhone 14 and thus be saved for a 2023 model. For instance, we don’t expect the iPhone 14 to get an in-display fingerprint reader or a USB-C port instead of the Lightning port.



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Netflix, Inc. (NASDAQ:NFLX) – If You Invested $1,000 In Netflix The Last Time The Company Lost Subscribers, Here’s How Much You’d Have Now

Streaming giant Netflix Inc (NASDAQ: NFLX) reported a net loss of 200,000 subscribers in the first quarter. The loss was the first subscriber drop reported by the company in more than 10 years.

Here’s a look back to where Netflix was trading at the time and how investors have fared along the way.

What Happened: Netflix ended the first quarter with 222 million subscribers. The company reported a net loss of 200,000 subscribers with the U.S. and Canada regions losing 600,000 subscribers in the quarter. The suspension of services in Russia also impacted the overall subscriber figure.

Netflix is guiding to lose two million subscribers in the second quarter.

This marked the first quarter that Netflix had reported a decline in global subscribers since October 2011.

It’s been so long since Netflix reported a drop in subs that the last time the company did so, the majority of its customers were still on hybrid plans of DVDs by mail and streaming titles.

In October 2011, Netflix reported it ended the quarter with 23.8 million subscribers, a decline of 800,000 from the previous quarter. The company reported that it had 14 million customers getting DVDs and 21.5 million customers using the streaming service, with many subscribed to both.

Related Link: Could South Africa’s ‘Savage Beauty’ Be Netflix’s Next International Hit? How Important Is Growth In Africa? 

Investing $1,000: The last time Netflix reported a quarterly loss of subscribers, shares of the streaming company fell, similar to what happened this week.

Netflix shares closed at $16.98 on Oct. 24, 2011, and opened trading at $10.70 the next morning.

With $1,000, an investor could have bought 93.46 shares of Netflix on Oct. 25, 2011.

That $1,000 investment would be worth $20,394.84 today, representing a return of 1,939.5%.

Photo: Sammy-Sander from Pixabay 

© 2022 Benzinga.com. Benzinga does not provide investment advice. All rights reserved.

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Willem Dafoe hosting Saturday Night Live is as weird as you’d expect, and as funny, unfortunately

Willem Dafoe
Photo: Mary Ellen Matthews/NBC

“To me, one man’s over-the-top is another man’s engaged performance.”

“I’m not an actor, I’m a [very, very intense movie] star!!”

Willem Dafoe jokes several times in his monologue about people thinking he’d make a great Joker. He’s not wrong, although here I’ll just say—enough with the Jokers. We’ve had enough Jokers. Heath Ledger was the best, Mark Hamill is a strong second, Jared Leto remains in last place, forever. That bafflingly misbegotten and overrated Joaquin Phoenix thing was not a Joker movie, I don’t care what anyone says.

Ahem. Still, Dafoe’s Joker-obsessed fans have a point. As Dafoe himself noted, he’s not an unexpressive actor. As I’d add, Willem Dafoe has a crazy devil face whose alternately bulging and slitted ice-blue eyes, tombstone teeth, and deeply etched lines are the craziest toolbox a major star has had to work with since probably forever. Dafoe pretended to be hurt by the idea that he’s only thought of on the street as the physical embodiment of outsized, gleefully performative evil, but, hey, it’s worked for the guy so far.

Leading up to Dafoe’s hosting gig tonight, I cast my mind back over Dafoe’s roles to imagine what a sketch comedy Willem Dafoe might be like. His comedies are few and stranded amidst a vast sea of unsettling kooks, killers, and the occasional supervillain. He deadpans exquisitely for Wes Anderson, was game (and, yes, unsettling) in his two Simpsons guest roles, and I’m never going to watch American Dreamz, so there’s not a lot to go on.

As it played out, Dafoe was game for Saturday Night Live, too, his up-for-anything enthusiasm the best thing about what were a handful of genuinely indifferent sketches. And if Dafoe isn’t going to springboard into a late-career comic swerve out of the gig, here’s to watching him lighten up and have fun. That said, Willem Dafoe is not really built for comedy, with his performances a combination of stilted and exaggerated that was—I’ll say it—kind of unsettling.

Onscreen, there’s precious little Dafoe hasn’t done, or won’t do, a fearlessness that carried over tonight into spanking himself with a riding crop, doing a couple of weird dances, and a whole lot of boner and blowjob jokes. The writing tonight was almost uniformly corny in its broadness, which can’t be laid at Dafoe’s feet. Still, there was a fair amount of host-protecting going on (most of his monologue was Aidy Bryant and Mikey Day doing Wisconsin accents), with Dafoe wheeling out for a short ensemble piece or plunked down as framing device. The whole show tonight had a sprung rhythm, with lots of dead spots in the pacing and clunky direction and blocking. (Punkie Johnson crosses right in front of camera on one exit.) That’d be a lot for even a comic powerhouse of a host to overcome, and Dafoe was left stranded much of the night, not that he seemed anything but delighted to be there.

Best/Worst Sketch Of The Night

The Best: Woof. And, no, I’m not putting the dog show sketch here. That’s just the sound I made when casting over my notes and trying to think of a sketch that didn’t make me feel blank and sort of logy. The music video sketch, “Now I’m Up” gets the top spot tonight, simply by being the most professional and polished, if not the funniest such pre-tape the show’s ever done. Also, Chris Redd is always outstanding in these musical numbers, here bringing a truly fine voice to what was an otherwise standard musical list of the sort of thoughts that keep you up at night. He and Kenan made an unremarkable piece of observational comedy into a serious bop—I would listen to this anytime, honestly. Dafoe was used well, too, his late-night commercial pitchman intruding into the bleary-eyed mix for a nifty song and dance riff. Honestly, if those intrusive insomniac thoughts that keep you awake and edgy had a spokesperson, it’d be Willem Dafoe, telling you that you have to die someday.

The Worst: While no sketches tonight were outright dire, so many of the live pieces jerked along to the same busted comic rhythm. Speaking of jerking, the returning joke about a news report gone wrong thanks to some accidentally ribald chyrons was all about the blowjobs, as anchor Bowen Yang calling self-help guru Dafoe’s book Blowing Yourself (instead of Knowing Yourself) sees things play out in exhausting, one-joke hackiness. There are lots of lines like, “That’s a lot to swallow,” and “Hopefully I don’t suck here,” if that’s your bag, is what I’m saying. It’s like a Carol Burnett Show sketch if Harvey Korman were allowed to make self-fellatio jokes. (Just as an aside, for no reason: Willem Dafoe is exceptionally limber.)

The Rest: The Badminster Dog Show continues to suggest that, if a show is flagging during rehearsals, a pack of adorable doggies are kept behind some emergency glass. I love dogs. Dogs are cute. And dogs can be freaking hilarious. That said, this one seems to have been turned over to guaranteed audience “awwww”s to make up for the fact that nobody wrote much of anything after coming up with the whole “Badminster” instead of “Westminster” title gag.

I laughed at Aidy being Aidy, her co-host (along with Dafoe) noting that the contest’s crappy dogs are “just like us—some of them bite kids.” And Redd was great as the owner of the eventual winner, a little critter whose enormous penis necessitates vet visits every time it gets aroused. “I hate saying that, and I say it a lot,” Redd states upon explaining the elaborate penile de-escalation procedure. But even though I joined in on the “awww” train when the supposed meanest dog in the pageant turned out to be a cuddlebug, tenderly licking Kate McKinnon’s judge and Andre Dismukes’ owner while everybody tried to keep a straight face, I felt manipulated and dirty. But I ”awwww”-ed all the same. Dafoe’s into-it but stiff presence didn’t help, I have to say, as a list of one dog’s increasingly absurd list of fears (pineapples, the Netflix startup sound) got trampled by Dafoe’s comically tone-deaf delivery. Cute pooches, though.

The other pre-tape, a commercial parody of those ubiquitously targeted Frank Thomas testosterone-booster ads, was as full of boner jokes as the news report sketch, but at least they were better, weirder boner jokes. With Kenan’s Big Hurt, Kyle Mooney’s Doug Flutie, and Dafoe (as himself) all coming out to cheerfully embarrass middle-aged Mikey Day for supposedly not being able to “get hard” anymore, the gag is that the three celebrity spokespeople are both really into the product, and unashamedly enthusiastic about the fact that they once couldn’t get hard, but now can get very hard, indeed. Making these dad-focused commercials’ subtext text, the sketch playfully skewers the euphemistic pitch behind all these suspiciously unregulated man-potions, stripping Day’s manly insecurities down to the bone. (You get it.) And there are enough weirdo touches to give the initial joke some legs, as its eventually revealed that the product in question is less a pill than some sort of whirring, hiccuping motorized gizmo that sees all three enthusiasts doubled over in artificially induced pain-pleasure. Dafoe, triggered into exquisite torture by the innocent attentions of Day’s wife, Melissa Villaseñor, is used to his best advantage, pounding his chest and screaming in startlingly intense orgasmic delight. (And no, nobody’s making a “Dafoe face” joke.)

The Please Don’t Destroy guys miss with this one, a one-joke premise (Martin Herlihy has a 10-year-old best bud) that escalates in noisy chaos more than cleverness. I like these guys, even if the show’s naked pitch to make them the next viral superstars keeps pointing out that The Lonely Island only made this specific type of absurdist backstage stuff look easy.

In the SNL oral history, many tales are told about Lorne Michaels’ expensive insistence on realistic and often elaborate sets in comedy. “Gilda will know,” he’s quoted as stating in response to an NBC exec asking why a wardrobe sweater had to be real cashmere. So I don’t get bent out of shape watching the show invest so much time, energy, and money in creating, say, a quartet of meticulously movie-accurate costumes for the minor characters in the Beauty And The Beast sketch. I’m a little more irritated that SNL keeps thinking that we’re all as convinced a lavishly mounted Disney setting propping up a middling premise is comedy gold.

Here, Pete Davidson’s Beast (no complaints about his costuming, since he’s a main character, and those lower-jaw fangs are ingeniously crafted) whips out his magic mirror to show Chloe Fineman’s Belle just what her elderly father is getting up to in her (kidnapped) absence. Dafoe’s gameness is on display as his home alone papa gets down to some dirty, if indifferently realized and staged, behavior. (Here’s where that riding crop figures in.) With Kenan (Cogsworth), Mikey Day (Lumiere), Punkie Johnson (Mrs. Potts), and Kyle (Chip) all getting into the voyeuristic fun to varying degrees, the sketch is awfully thin. Partly that’s down to Dafoe, who, I’m just calling it, isn’t a naturally funny presence. While his lonely old man lamenting how much he misses all the things his late wife used to do to his ass exhibits an admirable degree of commitment on Dafoe’s part, the guy just doesn’t really speak the comic language. Mostly, though, it’s that these Disney-fied sketches all seem to have the same joke. (Stuff isn’t as rosy and innocent as these animated kids films would have you believe.) And while we all have our own rosy memories of these movies, it’s really time to move on from seeing them as go-to sketch fodder.

Weekend Update Update

Is it a good sign when Peyton Manning gives the best comedy performance of your sketch comedy show? No, no it is not, even if, yeah, the former NFL QB (and former SNL host who did slightly better than most athletes) was genuinely pretty great as he revealed that his newly discovered love for binge-watching Emily In Paris trumped watching any of last weekend’s mail-biting football highlights. It’s the specificity of Manning’s ably rat-a-tat catalogue of the Netflix series that makes the joke, as Manning can barely be coaxed into talking NFL highlights (“All the touchdowns were in the end zone”) amidst his in-depth analysis of what makes Emily’s adventures in love and work so darned thrilling. His reading of “a fresh take on feminism—finally!,” was easily the best delivery of the night. (Even if, you know, that’s sort of questionable, coming from him.) Throw in a surprise beret reveal shot, and you have one of the most unexpected highlights of this season. I know, I’m as baffled as you are.

Jost and Che were, once more, fine. With tonight’s co-hosting gig, apparently they are now the longest-tenured Update hosts ever, and as long as SNL wants Weekend Update to stay a cheeky, largely disposable showcase for personality rather than biting fake news, then they should have a few more years to really put their records out of reach.

Aidy Bryant and Bowen Yang had some fun as a pair of effortfully outré trend predictors. There’s not much to the bit than watching Aidy and Bowen almost crack up as they go unaccountably harsh on their fashion and lifestyle pet peeves. For guys who use posters as decor, Aidy’s hissing, “Pulp Fiction poster—grow up and be a damn painting!” made me laugh in her and Yang’s tag-team hostility. Aidy is so outstanding at what she does that she’s in danger of being taken for granted sometimes. Here, there’s a level of knowing absurdity yoked to ultimate, wild-eyed sincerity of purpose that’s just irresistible.

“What do you call that act?” “The Widettes!”—Recurring Sketch Report

The wacky news blooper sketch can go gather dust as a concept. Way, way back in the filing cabinet graveyard.

While the tenant’s association meeting sketch wasn’t exactly a recurring bit, the change of setting (from school committee, town meeting, etc) roll call nature of these pieces as a template sure is. Here, it’s Alex Moffatt and Chloe Fineman riding herd on the assorted weirdos and cranks taking the mic, allowing us to see who, of this overstuffed and underused cast, is actually in the building this week.

As a conceit, these sorts of sketches serve the purpose of letting nearly everybody get some airtime, while usually zipping by without making much of an impact. Here, the high notes are muted by brevity, and the fact that most don’t really bring an especially well-realized characterization to the party. Kate kills, naturally, as her diminutive final speaker pokes her head barely over the podium to, once more, suggest raising the allowable cat limit from three to seventy-five. Kate McKinnon can land a character with a look, a pause, and a shuffle of prepared notes. Redd does fine, too, as the building’s doorman, smilingly but beseechingly trying to nip in the bud the fact that the building’s mostly white tenants think his name is “Jamarcus.” (It’s Robert.)

Aristotle Athari scores big, too, his Google translate-dependent tenant securing his phone’s help to ask, “I need to milk faucet so make destruction.” (Apparently, he’s planning to tear down a wall. Again.) Athari has slyly asserted himself as someone who can make a small role pop memorably, as has James Austin Johnson, whose barely contained rage about Verizon emerges in a strangled, funny voice. Dafoe is funny enough, channeling his own past living rough in NYC to portray the self-proclaimed “pain in the ass” who bought the top three floors of the building in 1971 for eleven dollars. His “What the hell happened to this city?” reminiscences about hellhole 70s New York include the joys of Iggy Pop puking into your face at CBGB’s, something Dafoe makes especially vivid by suggesting that that is precisely what happened to him at one point. Heidi Gardner, too, excels in these ensemble parades, here inhabiting her irately clueless (about her son’s jackoff habits) mom explode with impeccable Karen energy. These sketches are much of a muchness, but they have their uses, I suppose.

“It was my understanding there would be no math”—Political comedy report

Just stop. Sorry, that’s not helpful. Just stop it. Dammit. Deep breath…

Okay, so what happens when SNL decides to combine its traditionally unfocused and watery political cold open with its penchant for name-checking what those darned kids are up to these days? You get this—thing—where James Austin Johnson’s Joe Biden brings in a youth consultant to counter Russian misinformation tactics with (another deep breath) memes and TikTok videos. I saw the warning signs with that TikTok-centered sketch earlier this season, the mini-movie app’s virality proving a shiny allure for SNL to prove just how old and creaky its sensibilities can look when it tries to get down with the youth of today.

And here, as with the Biden Spider-Man cold open, Johnson’s still canny and well-observed Biden is saddled with a non-premise and asked to react. The “Biden, ain’t he old?” jokes are proving as tiresome a writers’ crutch as Alec Baldwin’s Trumpy fish-face already, and we’re only a year in. Here, confronted with the bewildering array of Russian meme warfare on display, Johnson’s Biden is called on to blurt “Malarkey!,” and otherwise look benignly puzzled at all this newfangled disinformation and GIFs and whatnot, and it’s all too irrelevant to be truly annoying. A draggy exercise in doing the least possible with seven minutes of valuable and potentially fruitful network airtime is an ill-advised way to kick off your 90-minute comedy show.

I Am Hip To The Musics Of Today

In contrast to my gripes about those Disney costumes, I say, give Katy Perry all the giant mushrooms she wants. Any initial conception of SNL’s musical element being co-equal with the comedy/variety portion of the show went out even before it began, really, so I’m here for any time the show allows a performer to go full performance art. Is Katy Perry in a vacuum-sealed dress, flanked by identically kitted-out mushroom dancers art? Well, it’s certainly more interesting than the usual rushed and perfunctory musical slots, and Perry’s perfectly pleasant pop meshes just fine with a swirling, Alice In Wonderland backdrop of psychedelic imagery and “Eat Me” fans. Honestly, I have to admit that sometimes I check out a little during the musical guests, but I didn’t do that tonight.

Most/Least Valuable Not Ready For Prime Time Player

I keep stumping for you, Melissa, and god knows you deserve more than the two nothing roles you got tonight. But fluffing lines in both ain’t helping, even as I acknowledge that the stress of only getting a line or so every two episodes only ups the pressure.

I’ve been helpfully informed by you kind commenters and Twitter types that Cecily’s absence can be attributed to her tagging out to star off-Broadway. Break legs, Strong.

Aidy gets the top slot tonight, and, no, it’s not damning with faint praise. The episode wasn’t anything special, but Aidy Bryant is.

Too abrupt and yet too drawn-out is a comic mix that’s tough to pull off, so, kudos, I guess? Here, though, the office sketch was all setup, a feint toward a whole new direction, and then a clumsily truncated payoff. Dafoe’s office temp is reentering the workforce, has bought a whole lot of pizzas for the law firm’s all-nighter, and then disastrously joins in on the lawyers’ bored finger-tapping and glass-pinging impromptu musical screw-around by hurling an office chair out a 15th-story window. “I thought it would bounce off the window and make a cool sound!,” Dafoe’s abashed Jeremiah exclaims. I like a sketch not beholden to a pat formula, but this really could have used a stronger center than Dafoe, as hard as he tries to imbue the sketch with a live-wire energy. Blame that expressive face, I guess, but watching an actor not known for comedy furiously mugging to sell a joke is more squirmy than funny. (He really does nail Hedi Gardner with that stapler, though, with a solid, blind, over-the-shoulder hurl.) That does sort of describe Willem Dafoe’s traditional effect on me. So, well done?

Stray observations

  • Telltale pandemic detail: The decelerating whirring of fans or air purifiers each time Dafoe introduced Katy Perry.
  • Poor Ego Nwodim had two exposition-heavy, explaining-the-joke roles tonight. Yup, she got double Mikey Day-ed.
  • Fineman’s consultant, introducing herself to the President: “I’m Mikayla, spelled the worst way.” (I guessed on the worst way to spell Michaela.)
  • Aidy’s irate tenant wants to ban all teens from her building, since they “huff White Claws and do 69-ers” right outside her door.
  • Aidy’s dog show co-host banters, “Now, Judas, it says here that you and I are married!”
  • One of the dogs is said to be allergic to “anything that is or isn’t duck.”
  • We’re off for a while, but return strong with John Mulaney joining the Five Timers Club (alongside musical guest LCD Soundsystem) on February 26. See you then.

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