— Reported via Chris Kirschner, Sam Amick and David Aldridge
Seven months after the pandemic had brought the Atlanta Hawks’ season to an unwelcome end, it was time for a Southern California reunion to bring them all back together again.
Coach Lloyd Pierce and all the Hawks returnees would meet for team-bonding time, with all sorts of activities planned that he hoped would aid their chemistry heading into a season they all knew would be pressure-packed. There was pick-up basketball against other NBA players, a boxing class where they squared off against one another and group dinners where topics included, among other things, the upcoming election.
But the real headliner event took place when Pierce and Trae Young met privately to discuss their upcoming third year together.
Fernando Tatis Jr. will not get the entire $340 million.
Taxes will cut into his new 14-year agreement with the Padres, of course. But Tatis also must pay off a previous obligation, a deal he made during the 2017-18 offseason, when he was turning 19 years old and preparing for his first full season at Double A.
It was then that Tatis entered into a contract with Big League Advance (BLA), a company that offers select minor leaguers upfront payments in exchange for a percentage of their future earnings in Major League Baseball. Neither Tatis nor BLA has revealed the exact percentage he owes the company.
The company’s president and CEO, former major-league pitcher Michael Schwimer, told The Athletic in April 2018 that BLA uses a proprietary algorithm to value every player in the minors. Players who receive offers can accept a base-level payout in return for 1 percent of their earnings, with the chance to receive greater incremental payouts and pay back a…
A good Super Bowl commercial — a good commercial, period — does four things well: It’s funny, it’s memorable, it compels you to buy the product, and it leaves you with a more favorable view of the brand.
Jake Ciely has been fantasy baseball’s top ranker twice and fantasy football’s top ranker once. But does that apply to commercials? We’re about to find out.
Feel free to dump on poor Jakey in the comments. He has very strong feelings on some of these. Important note: Movie trailers don’t count. Apologies, but that’s a different category and we can’t go there.
(And hey, if you love rankings — and who doesn’t? — check out our 2021 fantasy baseball, updated fantasy basketball and “way too early” fantasy football rankings)
The Top 10 Super Bowl commercials
1. GM: No Way Norway
Will Ferrell, Kenan Thompson and Awkwafina make this pretty good, especially Ferrell, but it’s the Scandinavian stinger joke that really got me laughing. I’m declaring this The Best Commercial of the Night.
Nando: I can’t disagree. This was fantastic.
2. Frito Lay: Super Bowl
So this might sit at No. 1 all night! Nope. But it was fun while it lasted! This spot aired before the game even started. Marshawn Lynch. Peyton Manning. Could have sat there silent for 30 seconds and been terrific. Simply amazing. “Don’t be scared of the ball,” and “C’mon, we’re friends,” were great with Lynch narration topping it all.
3. Cheetos: It Wasn’t Me
Okay, I immediately knew this was going and laughed … immediately. I’m an Ashton Kutcher fan, and the new lyrics and ending (won’t spoil the joke)… very well done.
Nando: I liked the Flat Matthew one so much better.
4. Doritos 3D: Flat Matthew
This has crazy “Twilight Zone” vibes, mixed with Judge Doom from “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” And it works! It’s funny, it’s memorable — the coffee shop scene where he’s initially invisible is fantastic. I assume this will be many people’s favorite commercial this year. Even the disclaimer, “Do not attempt if you’re a 3D person,” was subtly funny.
People’s Choice — Jeep featuring Bruce Springsteen
As much as we love our Frito-Lay brands and Will Ferrell, we cannot deny that the rest of the world loves the Bruce Springsteen commercial. Perhaps a little too much, but who are we to judge? We’re awarding this our First Annual People’s Choice Super Bowl Commercial Award For Excellence (PCSBCAFE). Congratulations, Jeep!
5. M&M’s: Sorry
Mocking gender reveals, “Karen” and more, this was pretty good. Not top of the heap, but good for a laugh.
Nando adds: We (my wife and I, not Jake and I) finally caved and started watching “Schitt’s Creek” — with everyone selling it warning you have to get through the first two seasons until it gets really good — and I have to say I get the hype. It’s “Parks & Rec”-sy. I just hope Eugene Levy doesn’t get too overexposed.
6. Tide: Jason Alexander Get Stepped On, etc.
Bonus laughs for the ’80s TV music bed (“Believe It or Not”). The changing faces of Alexander were pretty funny, though, might be more memorable for how weird he looked at the end (looked de-aged).
Nando: I don’t think Jake got the “Seinfeld” tie-in with the song! Would that have pushed it to No. 5?
7. Uber Eats: Wayne’s World
From Nando: “The commercial itself was just OK, but I love everything Wayne’s World — “NOTTT!!”, Tia Carrere, not saying the 2 or 1 when you count someone into a TV shot — and despite it kind of being mailed in, I loved seeing them back on my screen.” As for me, it was simply fun to see them back, but honestly, it would have ranked higher with the one before the Super Bowl, which was better …
8. Sam Adams: Horses
The visual of the person getting horse hip-checked through the window made me laugh, and for whatever reason, every time I hear, “Your cousin, from Bos … ton,” I will chuckle.
9. Bud Light: Legends (Avengers)
Good for chuckles and a trip down Bud Light commercial memory lane. Real Men of Genius guy! But, how do you leave out, “On your left!”?
Nando: This is possibly No. 2 for me. Hearing “Yes I am” again was so great. And “I loved you man” in past tense. And the guy who sang “Mister Vending Machine Repairmannnn.” I watched that three times in a row.
10. LYRIQ: ScissorHandsFree
Do half the people watching the Super Bowl remember “Edward Scissorhands”? This is another callback commercial for ’90s (ish) kids). I feel like this hits a specific group, and fortunately, I was in it, because it was amusing. Not roll on the floor laughing but amusing, especially with Winona Ryder doing reprising her role.
HONORABLE MENTION
Michelob Ultra: Happy
It wasn’t funny, but it did have a very cool aesthetic to it; the part where it switched to live video (Anthony Davis playing chess) was a fun twist from an initial feeling of “here comes a serious artsy commercial,” and I generally like watching an ad where I recognized everyone. Plus, always going to get my vote when using A Tribe Called Quest’s “Can I Kick It?”
Tracy Morgan for Rocket Mortgage — “Pretty Sure”
Flat-out funny and it seems like a pretty expensive one to make. Love everything Tracy Morgan does. In fact, “30 Rock” is one of the most underrated shows. Everyone sweats “The Office”, but you don’t see that same reverence for “30 Rock.”
Craig Robinson Pizza Hut
Total nostalgia play, and I’m not even sure this is technically a “Super Bowl commercial,” because it’s six days old on YouTube and it seems to lack that big-ness, but it aired after the team intros and I thought it was clever and fun. And man, you cannot find those Pizza Hut lampshades anywhere on eBay. This didn’t make the final Top 10, but anything with Craig Robinson (I watched and enjoyed “Ghosted” on FOX a few years ago) works for me.
Paramount+
Patrick Stewart hasn’t aged since 1990, a few good laughs, SpongeBob again, but seriously, ANOTHER streaming service?!
Nando: Yeah but “Yellowstone” is so awesome
Bud Light Seltzer Lemonade
Helped us laugh at the misery of what was 2020, and I especially appreciated the MLB cardboard cutouts getting involved. Side note though, man, “hard” seltzer might have been the biggest beneficiary of 2020 … enough!
Skechers: Max Cushioning
Meh. Does buying these shoes come with a certification for being a dad or mom?
Jimmy John’s: King of Cold Cuts
Some real laughable moments, but “Jimmy’s John’s” got repetitive. I actually laughed most at the warning, “Do not attempt,” when lighting the billboard on fire. Uh, no kidding, folks.
The Worst Super Bowl commercials
Hellmann’s Mayo
Wasn’t funny, and seeing a chocolate cake suggesting using mayo made me legitimately sick to my stomach.
Pringles: Stranded Astronauts
Not memorable. How do I know? I mentioned it, and people I was with didn’t even remember it airing. The stacking flavors commercial peaked and was only good with Bill Hader.
Oatly
It was definitely memorable, but for all the wrong reasons. Woof. I guess it was supposed to be “bad,” and props to the CEO, I guess? But it’s not going to make me want to buy Oatly. Internally, this may win the award for this year’s worst.
Klarna: Tiny Horses, Four Payments
I struggled to even understand what the selling point was or remember who it was for because it wasn’t funny and the CGI was some of the worst I’ve ever seen.
The Feel Good collection
Ford: Finish Strong
Anheuser-Busch: Let’s Grab a Beer
Indeed: The Rising
Toyota: Jessica Long Story
Guinness: Joe Montana GOAT
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Bradley Beal is frustrated — but not because he’d rather be somewhere else. It’s a fluid world, especially in the middle of an unpredictable pandemic and difficult economic times, but for now, the Wizards and Beal stand in the same place they did entering the season.
Beal has so far expressed he wants to remain in Washington and has not indicated he prefers to be traded, sources with knowledge of the situation tell The Athletic. The Wizards, in turn, have no interest in trading him. Amid calls from the general public and even ones from around the league that a team at the bottom of the standings would be best off dealing its prized player, Washington has made it clear it has no plans to move him.
He is privately frustrated and confused with the perpetual portrayal of his situation, according to sources familiar with his thinking. After seeing other players take criticism for requesting to leave teams, those sources say Beal feels he’s getting…
A trade of Nolan Arenado finally might be coming into focus.
The Cardinals are in discussions with the Rockies about a deal that would bring the five-time All-Star third baseman to St. Louis, according to major-league sources. No deal appears close, and the other players who might be involved are not known.
Arenado, 29, likely would waive his no-trade clause to join the Cardinals, and perhaps agree to push back his right to opt out after the 2021 season. The Rockies, to escape his $199 million guarantee over the next six seasons, almost certainly would absorb at least one high-priced veteran from the Cardinals while also receiving prospects in the deal.
League sources offered varied assessments of where the talks stood Thursday night. One cautioned that a trade might not happen at all, but others believe the Rockies are motivated to move Arenado and the Cardinals are motivated to acquire him. The Braves also checked in on Arenado but made no progress toward a…
Curt Schilling doesn’t get to decide whether he stays on the Baseball Hall of Fame ballot. The Hall’s Board of Directors shouldn’t get to decide, either. Schilling needs to remain on the ballot for one simple reason: Because it says so right in the Hall’s rules.
The rules for the Baseball Writers’ Association of America election, listed on the Hall’s website, include the following passage regarding how a six-member screening committee of writers forms the ballot:
“The duty of the Screening Committee shall be to prepare a ballot listing in alphabetical order eligible candidates who (1) received a vote on a minimum of five percent (5%) of the ballots cast in the preceding election or (2) are eligible for the first time and are nominated by any two of the six members of the BBWAA Screening Committee.”
Nothing in the rules says the candidates or the Hall itself can override those two avenues, so the discussion…
Hall of Fame voting seems easy — to everyone who doesn’t have a vote. But ask any of us who do. We could think of 1,000 adjectives to describe Hall of Fame voting. I guarantee “easy” wouldn’t make the top 1,000.
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who tosses and turns at 4 a.m., thinking about my ballot. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who finds himself stuck on a name or two or three, for days and often for weeks.
I always try to be aware that when I cast one of these ballots, it’s a serious responsibility. So we all need to take it that seriously.
I also try to be aware that everyone who has even read this far cares deeply about the Hall of Fame. So I owe you this column. I owe you an explanation for everything about this ballot. That’s true whether you like it or you hate it.
If it didn’t matter to so many of you, there would be no reason to have a Hall of Fame. So…
